Reflecting and realizing.....all the good I have

I think I have been going through a mini-mid life crisis as of late. I believe it was brought on by my upcoming high school reunion and reading all the profiles of what my classmates have been doing for the past twenty years. As I read through them I started thinking that I really haven't done anything that exciting since graduation....... or have I?

For starters I didn't go to college and get a degree. I did go to community college but only took a few classes. Having a career has never meant anything to me as I knew I would be fulfilled being a wife and mother. So, to not have a two or four year degree is not something I regret.

I have not traveled the world which is something that is not missing in my life either. I don't travel well - especially by car - and I don't like big crowds at the touristy places. If I do travel I prefer to go see historical sites or just sit on the beach by the ocean. It doesn't take much to impress me but I can find all I really need in my own backyard.

I have been married twice in which I wish I had only been married once. I have alot of regret about that but have come to peace with it with God. I am happily married in my second marriage although I know I put alot of expectation on my husband. I often want him to be more romantic, more generous, more loving, more husbandly, more fatherly, more pet lover friendly, more Mr. Fix It around the house (I could go on) - when I really need to be the one that is MORE thankful for what he is to me and our children.

I am the proud mother of one daughter and three stepsons. Wow! These kids have made me who I am today. I couldn't imagine life without them. I thank God for them everyday and tell Him how thankful I am that they are healthy and thriving. I also tell Him how I know they are actually His children but that I am incredibly selfish and I want to have them here on earth until after my departure. I think I need to learn to enjoy our children more than I do currently. I am incredibly protective of them and I try to "do" too much for them. I need to learn to let go some and have a different type of relationship with them than trying to always be the Super Hero Mom.

I have worked for the same company for 17 years. This is not my dream job but I don't know if I could even come up with one other than being an at home wife/mom. I did stay home with Kay from her birth until she was 2 and absolutely loved that time. I wish I didn't have to work now but financially for the time being I have to. I am very thankful for my boss and company that I work for as they are incredibly flexible with my time which allows me to be at school events, sports games, doctor appointments, leave to go get a sick kid from school, etc., with no repercussions. I haven't had to miss a thing! EXTREMELY thankful for that! And even though I do not want to work it has offered me the benefit of putting money towards 401k (with my employer matching my contribution) so there will be a nice little nest egg for my hubby and I to enjoy someday when we are older. And the best part is in under a decade I will be able to retire. (Retiring in my mid-40's is something I am extremely appreciative of) My husband and I are working towards a goal of once our kids all graduate (and not need all our $$$$) that we will buy a new house and I can retire from my job where I can stay home or do something part time that I would rather do.

All in all, I have turned out pretty darn well! I have ALOT to be proud of. It is all about attitude. I am thankful for what I have and am no longer going to focus on what I don't have.